Letters in the Dark by Kit Rose

Author:Kit Rose [Rose, Kit]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-06-20T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 34

Captor,

You want to know what love feels like? I thought you said you knew me. I have loved only four people in my life. My biological parents and two foster parents who you almost assuredly do not know. The feeling of that love left me long ago.

How do I love? I don’t. It’s as simple as that. I was told once that love was the thing that held our broken pieces together. I’ve never found anyone who could do that for me. We’re not so different in that regard.

There is no unconditional love within me. I do not love without reason or without purpose. Dear Captor, I do not understand where you came up with that idea.

If you had watched me as closely as you say you have, then you’d know that I cannot love the children that I work with. Love leaves you open to the pain of losing them. If anything, that is the lesson that I wish I could teach you. Stop trying to search for the emotions that you seem so desperate to find.

I don’t understand why you won’t talk instead of these letters. It has been so long since I heard a voice other than my own. If you’re bound and determined to follow through with this plan of yours, then don’t you think that a closer connection to me would be beneficial?

Maybe then we could accelerate this process and I can go home sooner. I have decided that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make things move more quickly. Stop trying to ply my emotions with gifts. I won’t accept them, and they’ll go in the pile with the rest.

“How can I help you to learn faster so that I can leave more quickly?”

Cassandra Matheson

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